


Happy Screams

by stranger_thanfiction



Series: Stranger Things 30 Day Challenge [11]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: AU, Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Fluff, Hopper-Byers Family, Jopper, No Smut, i don't talk about anything in detail, just open conversations between a father and a daughter about something kind of serious
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-25
Updated: 2019-07-25
Packaged: 2020-07-19 22:21:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19981468
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stranger_thanfiction/pseuds/stranger_thanfiction
Summary: After the events of the Mindflayer over the course of the past year, Jim and Joyce assumed that the worst part of their lives is over, but the worst is yet to come.The biggest monster of all has arrived, and it threatens to usurp the fragile peace that’s been established in Hawkins: hormones.(or alteranatively, Jim (and Joyce) being the parents everyone deserves and educating El about special hugs.)





	Happy Screams

**Author's Note:**

> Today's prompt from hey-dingus was Funniest Character, which in season three was Joyce and Hopper, most particularly the scene where they're talking about Mike and El. (also see: jealousy, "why my magnets are falling off my damn fridge?", "tax evasion" "child killer." "child...killer?", and it goes on) David and Winona are phenomenal all the time, but their timing this season was spot on, and I'm still believing that Hop's the American. 
> 
> The timeline on this is kinda wonky, and I genuinely can't explain it, but either Hop killed the Russian in the funhouse and they had time to close the gate together, or Joyce closed it but Hop returns from Russia. Either way, it comes to the end result of the Byers-Hopper's living together partly out of convenience, mostly because the cabin was destroyed. 
> 
> As always, kudos and comments are better than coffee as writing fuel. If you're confused ab this AU or need to rant, my tumblr is @modernfeminismtalking. Enjoy!

The Battle of Starcourt was horrifying, but that’s nothing compared to El casually and innocently asking her dad what happy screams were.

Jim looks down at her, confusion written across his face.

“Max was telling me about happy screams when we were looking for Billy. She said they happen when Billy and a girl were alone,” she clarifies, shoveling Eggos in her mouth, “and then told me to read a _Cosmo_ , which Mike said was a star, so I don’t know what she meant.”

El swallows down the sugary snack before continuing.

“Do you?”

If the Mindflayer could come back and swallow him up whole right at this very second Jim would be eternally grateful. 

He chokes, because of course she asks when he’s taking a swig from his mug, and his face flushes bright red as his mind rushes to an explanation.

Mornings are for coffee and contemplation, not sex talks and suffering. 

Hopper looks at his daughter, watching him in anticipation, and blanches. 

He’s saved by Joyce walking in the kitchen, trailed by Will, who distracts El by telling her that Mike wants her to radio him when she finishes eating. 

Excited, she hurries to eat the rest of her Eggos before bounding to her room to talk to the little shit, cracking the door three inches.

If Hopper wasn’t so shocked, he would’ve had a bigger issue with that, but right now, he’s about to talk Joyce into getting that kid an Atari. 

Will eats his breakfast at what feels like a snail’s pace. Jim’s lost all focus on the paper in front of him, and his knees are bouncing so hard they’ve nearly spilled their glasses of juice. 

Joyce looks over at him like he’s got four heads, but he ignores her stare and says nothing.

Both adults pretend to not notice Nancy Wheeler jumping out of Jonathan’s window and sprinting out to her car that’s been parked out in front of the house all night. 

It's a good distraction.

“Are we ever going to tell him that we know?” Jim asks amusedly, watching the girl nearly tumble right in the middle of the driveway.

Will looks down at his breakfast and mumbles, “I am never having a relationship.”

Hop ignores him and keeps going. 

“We could make them breakfast, sit ‘em down like Murray did, you know. Make them real uncomfortable.”

Joyce rolls her eyes and sips more of her coffee.

“I’m starting to realize why your talk with El didn’t work,” she snorts towards Hop, “besides, if we do that, they’ll eventually get used to it and think that it’s okay, when it’s not.”

He raises an eyebrow.

“So, you’re tricking them into thinking they’re being rebellious when they’re actually not?”

“No, not tricking them. _Reverse psychology._ I’m making them think that they’re breaking the rules when actually they’re staying in the boundaries I want them to be in. I’m not stupid, Hop, we were eighteen once. I remember how it was.”

He smirks at the memory of the two of them behind the bleachers last week of senior year, and concedes to her reasoning.

Will, looking between them, makes a gagging noise before going to find El. 

There’s some things he doesn’t need to know. 

“Besides, Hop, they’ve been through some shit--we all have. I think they’re just sleeping, you know, for like, comfort.”

He looks at her unconvinced.

“They’re not doing anything.”

Her voice drops and she moves closer. 

“Trust me, these walls are paper. They made that mistake once, right after last year’s incident, and Will beat against Jonathan's door with the broom.”

Joyce smirks at him and leans back in her chair. 

“Parenting win.”

If you say so, Joyce.

Jonathan ducks into the kitchen, grabbing a banana and toast before quickly kissing him mom on the head and running out the door. 

Hopper raises his eyes over his coffee at the very obvious lipstick stains across his face, but just drinks his coffee in silence.

“So, El asked me an interesting question this morning,” he puts down the paper to look at her, “and I need your help talking to her about it.”

Joyce laughs and stands to fill up her cup from the coffee pot.

“The last time we did this, you lied to the kids and told them Ted’s mom was sick and Mike that you were going to kill him. Then, we disappeared for two days and came back to Hawkins literally being on fire, but sure. What is it this time?” 

She leans on the counter, both hands on the mug and an amused smile on her face.

“She asked about sex, Joyce.”

Joyce’s eyes bug out of her head, and she walks back over to the table, this time beside him.

“You haven’t had the talk with her?” she accuses.

Hop raises his hands in defense.

“Yes, sure, Joyce, I just talked to my telepathic adoptive daughter who just recently began talking in full sentences about what happens when a man and a woman really love each other.”

She drags her hand across her face, exasperated. 

“Okay, well have you at least talked to her about her time of the month?”

He makes a face and looks back sheepishly.

“Jim, she’s fourteen!” Joyce raises her voice, frustration clear, “what were you going to do when she gets it?”

Jim looks a little lost, as if the thought hadn’t occurred before.

“Direct her to you?” he asks, and Joyce could kill him. 

“Oh my god, Jim,” she sits back. 

Hop turns to her.

“Are you meaning to tell me in the past couple of years that you’ve had the talk with Will?”

Joyce looks squeamish but holds her ground.

“Yes, actually, I had to do it with both of my boys when Lonnie left, because my boys were growing up and he wasn’t there,” she responds hotly, crossing her arms. 

Jim realizes he struck a nerve, and grabs her hands when she places them back on the table. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs, and she nods back.

They’re working on this communication thing, but sometimes it’s hard. 

“You need to talk to her about it, Jim,” she smiles at him, and brushes her thumb against the edge of her cheek.

“I know.”

He tells El when he’s coming out of her room that later they’re going to need to sit down and have a talk.

“It’s nothing bad,” Hop promises as she puts on her white bobos, “just we need to have a conversation, you and me.”

She agrees, and she and Will head out to meet The Party, who have parked themselves in the driveway. Hop hasn’t gotten her a bike, so she hops on the back of Mike’s and they head for the hills. 

Today, they’re all walking up to Cerebro to try and contact Suzie again.

Dustin and Lucas have been fighting over  _ Back to the Future _ for three weeks now, and the rest of the party has remained impartial after The Great Divide of Mike and Eleven that nearly split the six friends. 

Yesterday, after nearly flipping the campaign board, Will suggested they get Suzie’s opinion, and everyone agreed. 

Well, mostly everyone. 

“She’s your girlfriend, dumbass, she’s going to side with you!” the ranger huffed. 

Plan B was radioing Suzie to mediate a dispute between Max (taking Dustin’s stance) and Lucas taking his own. 

Smart as a whip and (apparently) hotter than Phoebe Cates, Suzie’s voice through the radio crackled with annoyance.

“Dusty-bun, I know that you’re using me to make the final say on  _ Back to the Future _ ,” she chides, and Dustin flushes and protests.

“You’ve been talking about it every time we radio. But since this is Max arguing, and not you Dusty, then, Lucas is technically right.”

Dustin groans and Lucas punches the air in victory.

“According to quantum theory,” and she goes off into words El doesn’t understand, so she pulls Max, Mike, and Will away from the two arguing. 

“Hop said he wants to talk to me about something later,” she confides in her friends, confusion etched on her delicate features. 

Will and Mike look at each other, and Max raises an eyebrow.

“Okay, so? Did you do anything wrong?”

El pauses to think, and comes up with nothing.

Dustin and Lucas walk over, having agreed to disagree after some forceful words from Suzie. 

“El, in trouble? When there’s not a national emergency?” Dustin scoffs.

“Did you and Mike do something you weren’t supposed to?” Lucas wiggles his eyebrows, and Max punches him in the stomach.

“Jesus, I meant like the door thing!”

The boys stifle their giggles and Max’s eyebrow quirks.

“Mhmm..sure.”

“Did you say something to Hop before Mom and I came downstairs this morning?” Will interjects, brow furrowing.

Out of the three kids that live in the Byers-Hopper household, it’s really _Jonathan_ Hop should be talking to, but whatever.

A lightbulb switches in her mind. 

“Well, I asked my dad about happy screams, but that’s just because I heard some last night,” she starts, her face pinching with worry.

“Do you think he’s mad at me?”

The kids freeze. Then they explode.

Dustin’s laughing so hard tears are streaming down his face, and Lucas is holding onto Max like a lifeline.

Will’s laugh is kind of silent, his shoulders shaking and face red, even more hysterical than his friends because _he knows exactly what she overheard._

El’s face goes red with embarrassment, and she looks over at her boyfriend, who’s laughing, too. 

_Maybe it was a mistake to ask them_ , she thinks glumly.

Mike opens his eyes to see her crestfallen face, and he stops laughing.

“Hey, El, it’s okay, we’re not laughing at you,” he says gently, his large hand on her cheek.

She leans into it and pouts.

“Then why are you laughing? And don’t lie,” she warns, letting him draw her into his arms.

El tucks her head underneath his chin, and feels comforted by the fact that at least her boyfriend wasn’t laughing at her.

The others have finally noticed El’s embarrassment, and they look at each other before sitting down on the ground.

“It’s just, happy screams are kind of something that parents are supposed to talk to you about,” Mike starts, letting go of her so they can all sit down in a circle.

“It’s an adult thing!” Max jumps in, “like...taxes! Or R-Rated movies!”

El just stares back at them.

“Oh, god are we about to give El the talk?” Dustin shudders, dropping his face into his hands.

“Trust me, she’ll want it from us and not my Mom and Hopper. I love my mom, but she was comparing it to butterflies!” Will cringes as he thinks of the memory of his mom making gestures, desperately trying to explain this to him and Jonathan.

Yup, Will’s gonna be celibate forever.

They all cringe before Lucas turns to El.

He takes a deep breath and starts.

“Okay, El, when a man and a woman love each other very much…”

Hopper paces in front of his daughter, who’s calmly sitting on the couch of the Byers’ living room. 

“Okay, El, we need to talk about some things. I just need you to know that we can be honest with each other, and you can come to me with any problem--well, most problems. There’s some stuff that I just don’t want to know, but I want us both to feel comfortable and open,” he rambles, trying to remember the speech he and Joyce write to talk to El.

She’s nodding and smiling--good, this may actually go well.

He keeps going.

“You’re getting older, and because you’re getting older, it’s time that we have an honest talk about-”

“About the happy screams?” she’s still smiling, but there’s a hint of something in her eye.

It makes his palms sweat, but he keeps going and nods. 

Jesus, he’s faced monsters from another dimension but he can’t talk to his teen-aged daughter about sex?

He drags a hand across his face, which is also sweating, and starts again.

“Yeah, El, the happy screams,” he sighs, and sits across from her on the recliner.

He’s hunched over, elbows on his knees, face pained.

“So, those screams, first they’re not caused by pain, because what’s happening can be very good, but also very bad. They’re normally a part of-”

“Sex?” El asks innocently, and he almost chokes.

“What?”

“The screams, they’re a part of sex?” she clarifies, and can’t stop the grin that creeps onto her face.

Son of a bitch.

“Which one of them explained it to you?” 

Hop’s a little mad, he’s not gonna lie. He and Joyce poured over this speech, just like the first one, forever, but he’s genuinely more relieved than anything. 

There’s no coming back from having to look at your daughter and explain the miracle of life. 

“All of them,” she grinned, “and they said they covered it all. SIDS,”

“S-T-Ds.”

“Condoms,”

“Christ.”

“Tampons and pads, which made the boys pretend to throw up,”

That one definitely had to be Mayfield. She’s getting some ice cream.

“And uh, different, ways to move, like there’s--”

“Jane!” Hop yells while squeezing his eyes shut. 

Her legal name makes her mouth snap shut. 

“That is absolutely something that’s a part of the please don’t tell me area,” Hop says, struggling to breathe. 

“Like, for example, I do not need to know if you and Mike ever...I do not need to know. I do not want to know. We are setting these boundaries now.”

El smiles, this time gentler.

“Like the three inches rule?”

He breathes a sigh of relief, and moves to sit next to her, kissing her forehead.

“Yes, El, like the door rule.”

She hugs him back.

“Does this mean we don’t have to talk about this?”

Hop nods into her head, filled with relief.

“Yes, El, we do not have to talk about this, but we can at anytime.”

“Okay,” she says, “because we need to talk about something else.”

Her tone sounds serious, so he pulls his head back to look at her.

“Okay?”

“Are we going to tell Jonathan that we know Nancy is staying over, or are we going to keep acting dumb?”

Hopper laughs, and holds her hand.

“We’ll see, kid, we’ll see.”


End file.
